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(Before you read this, I wish to apologise, this is not so much poetry as it is a rant. But I’m sure there are people out there who can relate to what is commonly known as the post-Grad blues. For those of you who are also going through this, I shall quote Sir Winston Churchill – “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”)

 

“Hi there! We’ve had word of a job…”
“They want you for an interview!”
“So what do you think would make you an asset to this company?”
“Well…” you launch into a well-rehearsed explanation.
“They called us back. Sorry, no joy. Not your fault though,
Just that someone else
Had more
Experience.”
The rinse and repeat of this scenario is beginning to strip layers
From your mind,
From your spirit,
From your soul.
You begin to wonder
Is this it?
Is this all there is to life?
Chasing the carrot of employment
To avoid the stick of debt
And humiliation.
Your parents,
They will try.
They will try very hard to convince you
That ultimately, things will work out.
That you won’t be living with them forever.
But you cannot let go of what you had, less than 2 months ago.
The times you had with people your own age.
Working hard at something you loved.
Something that now seems so impossible.
Something that you’re unlikely to have the drive to even think about.
You start with good intentions.
“Well, as I’m unemployed, I may as well use the time to sort myself out.”
Workouts.
Diets.
Household purges.
I have been there.
And the temporary self-satisfaction that these things give
Is lost
All so fast
And replaced
With sleeping in,
With junk food,
With clutter, simply because you can no longer be bothered to fight the fight.
And the well-meaning friends and relatives who call you up
To ask you
“Got a job yet?”
Those people that you hold so dear
Become people you begin to avoid.
And it consumes you.
You avoid people.
You avoid the outside.
You avoid life.
And any time you catch yourself
Briefly,
Oh-so-briefly,
Having any kind of enjoyment out of anything
The guilt will get you.
You do not deserve this,
You who does not contribute to society in a meaningful way.
You who secretly envies and despises those around you
Who have a job.
You who cannot seem to achieve anything of note.
You do not deserve your fleeting happiness.
And this cycle goes around and around and around.
I cannot tell you how it ends
If it breaks
Or if you break first.
Because the truth is,
I don’t know the answer myself.

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